no such thing as "fair" exist in tis world.

hi ppl, this blog goin to sound very blue just like those in my friendster blog. i just wan to shared with u guys n i think u guys should know(if u wan) wat actually happen behind tat cheerful nicky. where should i start? ok from young lah. i'm staying with my aunty in shah alam since i'm 4 years old cos my dad n mum stay in pahang to work. they work night shift in the restaurant. they send me here cos they dun wan me, my bro n my sis to turn out like those village gal n boys like tat.. no education n turn to be a bad gal so here i am in the place tat i'm staying now. for more than ten years i think.

My aunty work as babysitter so she baby sit quite a lot of children. me, my bro, joey, mei yoon, my sister n she had only one daughter n my sister. now her daughter was 28, my bro 23, joey 22, me 21, mei yoon 18 n my sister 13. her daugther get married end of last year n born a baby boy last sat. we live like one family n learned to shared n get scolded. at the time when mei yoon n my sis was not in the pic yet.. i'm the youngest at tat time n always get bully. i have to do all the stuff u know.. all the house chores n always get scolded. last time in the hse i usually dun speak alot like now. i very quite cos i dun wan to speak more n then get error more. i very dumb one so always get scolded. i just dun know y. the law in the hse use to be very tight.

We have to some of the hse chores n always get scolded. if we don do one also. my aunty will scold till dun know wat redi. i think my neighbour also can hear redi. my primary n secondary very close friend also know tat my aunty very fierce n dun let me go out. let me tell u one secret i went to friend b'day party just when i'm in form 5 but all of them had went during standard 5 or 6. maybe i'm the youngest n the dumbest so i had different type of live. i just do all teh chores tat other people dun wan to do. everytime also me. if dun do also get scolded, do also get scolded. to prevent everyone get scolded everyday i have to do all of it.(so call to save the world). i do all just i dun wan ppl to scold me, but i wan ppl to learn to cherished n love me more.

My bro n joey turn a bit bad like go out n hang til late night n get scolded. actually not only scolded lah but also the news of their naugthyness will be spread among relatives. like uncle n aunty. then they will like always talk bout ur badness n let ur dad n mum know. this kind of doin is just like trying to lost ur parents face. u know wat i mean. so everything i do n make any decision also i had to think twice n think for everyone besides me. i can also think only for myself n do whatever decision i like but i just can't. i dun wan my parents to embarassed. so watever i do or speak had to be extra careful. i rather get scolded n do all the stuff rather than embarresed my parents. i know tat livin in other people house would not be tat fun cos u have to know how to brin ur self properly. but i just dun know y. maybe becuase i'm a gal. my bro can do anything cos he is a guy.

My parents turn is like , my bro can go anyway just by tellin my mum while i can't go anyway cos i'm a gal n my dad really love me so much so he just scared i will mix with bad people n always suspect my guy friends to be my bf. i just dun know y. he think his daugther was so good quality tat all the guy on earth also will go after. i think my dad really dun understand his daugther tat well so i do not have the right to go anyway. all people will only love me cos i work in my restaurant n be good. as to my concept the being good n do as wat they say =love. u just can't go against wat they say, if u do= bad. do u know me n my bro start to help in the restaurant at the age of 11/12 n till today. almost every school holiday till school reopen. last time we get salary like only RM200 only for two months. but work like 11.30a.m till 10 p.m.. u c our labour money is tat cheap u know. understand by tat cos we r helping my parents. tat restaurant not only my dad lah but also shared with my uncle n his wife.

They have education higher than my parents lah so his wife take over tat account. my uncle have 5 sons n no daugther. his eldest son is 14 tis year.i tell u ppl. nowadays kid really had life i tell. they take turns to help in the restaurant n thay had time limit like 11.30 a.m till 4p.m. compare to us last time.. they had much much much more advantages. last timei had to work morning shift while my bro had to work night shift. every chinese new year also we had to work more extra lah.. like 11.30a.m till 2.00a.m .now their son dun have to work during chinese new year, for me n my bro chinese new year n holiday = workin. no holiday for us. actually i know tat we can't compare with other people. sometimes i really think tat's not fair. we had the same surname but only not same parents y do we had different type of life. not even my sister had the kind of life like us. they r really very very good. kids nowadays really very very happy lah. i just keep tellin myself i'm helping my parents so it's ok. till now i stil pratices tat. accpet for holiday lah, i need to go work n earn money outside mah. after 6 years i think i should had my life right. but chinese new year i still go back to help so i really dun know wat is CNY for the past 9 years. CNY=work. so now my bro is in australia n i had all the burden on me.

My mum always call me to go back when she need me to work for her part with my dad when she wan to go back to my grandma hse n i always had no part in any of the activity tat my mum's side grandparents cos i need to work. i know i had to bare with all tistill i live for australia. so i eager to go. when i'm there. i dun have to care wat i do or wat decision i make tat will not been talk by all the relatives n i can sleep like a death pig. till wat time also no people will bang on my door to wake me up. i think my bro is enjoying life over there. it's a fairy land for us. in the hse in shah alam. i'm always the scape goat. no matter wat also i'm the one to blame.

Let me tell u frankly, everytime i go out i always didn't tel my aunty the truth where i been. i always tell her i'm goin out to do course work n i lie. i dun know how many sin i have made but i have to. do u remember me bringing my sis out one day with us. tat;s the only time i told my aunty tat i'm goin out with my friends. n she made me to brin my sister, but i told her tat i'm goin out with my friends n kind of weird right but she claim tat i'm goin out with bf n can't bring sis.wow... u know. i dun have any private life n i'm totally tie down. joey can go out cos she have no sister n she offically had a bf so understandable tat she had top go dating. i can't cosa my dad dun let me to have a bf now n their mentality is tat if u had a bf u r goin to do bad in ur exam.so if i really have one i also dun know wat to do. maybe just like secondary time, when u have one, u try to hide from parents n go undertable.u should understand wat i mean.

I just dun wan to stay here anymore, i wan to go n run away with my life, i just dun knwo wat to do. i'm telin u guys today is not i wan to win sympathy from u guys. i just wan to shared my real life with u guys. there is no fairness in tis world. i just wan to go. sometimes i just feel like just die off then everything will be ok lah. life is tiring for me. lately i just feel tat i'm had teh value to someone when they need me. when they dun, i no longer had any value. when they need me i 'm the one tat they think. i'm willing to help as my nature behaviour.i learn to forgive n love others but no one understand tat.

i had to do something to exchange my love n respect. live was so hard for me to come to tis point of life n glad tat i'm not death by tis time. sometimes i really think if someone got any problem they will come to me to ask for help but if i got problem will they ever help. i dun think so.

today i'm tellin all tis is just to express my feeling because tis morning i just wake up n get scolded, haven't even brush my teeth. suddenly feel my life was so bad. not doin one small thing also get scolded early early morning. even though do redi also get scolded cos not doin teh thing in the right way. life was something miserable. ppl i just wan to express my feeling here cos all of us very hard to get together so i just express here. maybe when i cu guys face to face i have nothin to tell.i'm good in expressing my feelings through writting but not speaking. dun be scared off by my long n blue blog. u know when u guys come to me with problem i will sure help. dun worry. dun ever scared to come to ask help from me. no matter wat i still help. ok?? dun be afraid to trouble me. i'm willing to do anything for u ppl. cos we r best buddies. dun keep ur problem k. i just need a place to breath. please give me some space. thank you.

nicky